Mik,
Here's a relay that works as you describe you want:
http://www.oldvolkshome.com/headrelay.pdf
It is used on VW Beetles to toggle between low and high beams so it will handle a fair amount of current. It mechanically latches in alternating positions each time you push the switch connected to the terminal labeled "brown wire" in the drawing, with the other side of the switch connected to ground. The wire labeled white with black stripe would be connected to the +12V source thru an appropriate fuse. The coil is only energized when you push your switch.
Hope that helps.
Dave
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