Sounds like you've actually searched. Props to you! I have the Lilliput 619 (7" touchscreen) and it has been working great. I really need to update my worklog... I haven't had any problems with the touchscreen since I installed it about a month ago.
2. Any of the good frontends have lots of skins. Check out http://www.mobile-effects.com/ and click on the "Skin System". You need to register to see all the skins, but they are in there for the "biggies." Unless it specifically says so, they will run on WinXP - that seems to be one of the more popular OSes here.
3. Soldering. Search around, but basically you need to solder some wires to the points where the laptop power button connects so that you can simulate the button presses with a startup/shutdown controller. I'm not sure if a docking station would help, but there's more information in the posts addressing this issue.