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Thread: 10 things she doesn't want to hear in bed (funny)

  1. #1
    The Lavender Tie Just
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    10 things she doesn't want to hear in bed (funny)

    Not sure how to sweet talk your woman in the sack? If you have to inquire about the do's and don'ts of pillow talk, here's a hint: Try not talking at all.

    There's nothing worse than a guy who rambles on while we women are trying to get our rocks off. We don't want to hear about how your boss didn't like your T.P.S. report -- you can tell us about that later, while you're cleaning up. We could not care less if you have a cramp in your butt -- just keep going. If you absolutely must say something, keep it in the "Wow, you're beautiful" or "I've never felt so good in my life" range. We thrive on those kinds of compliments, even if you don't entirely mean them. On the other hand, whatever you do, under no circumstances should you mutter the following things. Because before you know it, you'll be back to Saturday nights spent ogling the Victoria's Secret catalog:

    1# "Are you wearing courderoy pants, or have you not shaven your legs in months?"

    2# "Wow! You remind me exactly of my mother when you do that."

    3# "Let's turn off the lights so I don't have to look at your jiggly, fat ***."

    4# "Honey, have you ever considered applying for Extreme Makeover?"

    5# "It smells like hot garbage in here!"

    6# "That feels okay, but my last girlfiend used to do it like this. Watch, I'll show you..."

    7# "The guys are all over at ___________'s watching the game, gambling and drinking. I wonder what the score is."

    8# "Too much tequila -- I think I'm gonna puke."

    9# "I'm trying to think of this episode of The Simpsons and for the life of me I cannot remember the entire plot line. Help me out, will ya? It starts out when Homer and Bart are in the grocery store loading up on Duff..."

    10# "By the way, I'm a raging homosexual."

  2. #2
    Raw Wave
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    If you absolutely must say something, keep it in the "Wow, you're beautiful" or "I've never felt so good in my life" range. We thrive on those kinds of compliments, even if you don't entirely mean them.

    Strange but true

  3. #3
    5# "It smells like hot garbage in here!"

    I actually LOL'd on that one. Good stuff.

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    Raw Wave Defiler's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the "Bull Ride" game you can play with your loved one...

    Do your thang from behind, grab her by the hair and say "You look just like my ex-girlfriend from back here." and try to hold on for 8 Seconds.
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    Maximum Bitrate deadweasel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Defiler
    Reminds me of the "Bull Ride" game you can play with your loved one...

    Do your thang from behind, grab her by the hair and say "You look just like my ex-girlfriend from back here." and try to hold on for 8 Seconds.
    BWAHAHAAHAHAA!!!!

    *Cleans sprayed Coke from the monitor and keyboard*

    Holy shiat that's awesome! Deadly, but awesome!
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    I thought it was...
    Do your thang from behind, grab her by the hair and say "This is how your sister likes it like it, too." and try to hold on for 8 Seconds.

  7. #7
    Constant Bitrate Big Zack's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Defiler
    Reminds me of the "Bull Ride" game...
    It's not an official ride unless there is a time keeper. Better yet, five or six of 'em. (This works best in a dorm setting...)

    What you do is head down to the local farm (bar) and pick yourself out one hummer of a cow. (remember, the bigger the better) Get a few drinks in her and herd her on up to then ring. (your room)

    You need to have a code word already planned out to let the spectators and time keepers know exactly when “the ride is on.” be creative with your choice of code words... “oh baby” and “yes yes” just wont do. Try something along the lines of “YEEHAW I'M A COWBOY!” or “TEAM JACK DANIEL'S PBR RULES WHAHOOO!”

    Once you are in position just yell the code words and hold on! This is when your spectators and time keepers come bust'n in from the next room and the timer starts. Remember, 8 seconds is the official time needed for a full ride... anything less doesn't count... anything more and your asking for a visit to the hospital.

    BTW, we called this a “Rodeo Ride” in college, not a “Bull Ride”... that would be gay.

    (Z)

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    BTW, we called this a “Rodeo Ride” in college, not a “Bull Ride”... that would be gay.

    (Z)

    You're killing me here....I always heard of it as 'Rodeo Style', a timeless classic of course

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    The Lavender Tie Just
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    bump

  10. #10
    Maximum Bitrate tom2112's Avatar
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    Things that you should say:

    #1) Yeah, baby, yeah!

    #2) Have you been naughty? I think you need a spanking.

    #3) Damn that's some sweet luvin!

    #4) Do you come here often?

    #5) Girl, you got it goin ON! Lemme get some-O-dat.

    #6) Is that bells I hear or was that fireworks?

    #7) So, have you ever seen one this big before?

    #8) Don't cry honey, it'll be over in a minute.

    #9) Do you take visa? paypal?

    #10) What was your name again?
    So far:
    M10000 Nehemiah, 1Gb RAM, Opus 90w PS, Buffalo Tech WLI2-USB2-G54, 160 Gb HDD, GlobalSat BU-353 GPS, iGuidance, Zippy EL-610, Panasonic CW8123B Slim Slot CDRW/DVD, 10" Lilliput, Sony XA-300, Sony CDX-MP30 Head, OBD-II

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