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Thread: Some Funny Computer Stuff

  1. #1
    The Lavender Tie Just
    Made It Obvious
    Rafster's Avatar
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    Some Funny Computer Stuff

    Beatles Computer Songs

    Yesterday
    ---------
    Yesterday,
    All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
    Now my database has gone away.
    Oh I believe in yesterday.

    Suddenly,
    There's not half the files there used to be,
    And there's a milestone hanging over me
    The system crashed so suddenly.

    I pushed something wrong
    What it was I could not say.

    Now all my data's gone
    and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

    Yesterday,
    The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
    I knew my data was all here to stay,
    Now I believe in yesterday.
    __________________________________________________ ___________________
    Eleanor Rigby
    -------------
    Eleanor Rigby
    Sits at the keyboard
    And waits for a line on the screen
    Lives in a dream
    Waits for a signal
    Finding some code
    That will make the machine do some more.
    What is it for?

    All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
    All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

    Guru Mackenzie
    Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
    Isn't it fun?
    Look at him working,
    Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
    It takes a while...

    All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
    All the lonely users, why does it take so long?

    Eleanor Rigby
    Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
    Feels like a jerk.
    Guru Mackenzie
    Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
    Nothing will load.

    All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
    All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
    ====================================
    Write in C ("Let it Be")
    ------------------------
    When I find my code in tons of trouble,
    Friends and colleagues come to me,
    Speaking words of wisdom:
    "Write in C."

    As the deadline fast approaches,
    And bugs are all that I can see,
    Somewhere, someone whispers:
    "Write in C."

    Write in C, Write in C,
    Write in C, oh, Write in C.
    LOGO's dead and buried,
    Write in C.

    I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
    For science it worked flawlessly.
    Try using it for graphics!
    Write in C.

    If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
    Debugging some assembly,
    Soon you will be glad to
    Write in C.

    Write in C, Write in C,
    Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
    BASIC's not the answer.
    Write in C.

    Write in C, Write in C
    Write in C, oh, Write in C.
    Pascal won't quite cut it.
    Write in C.
    __________________________________________________ ___________________________________
    Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:
    "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
    Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."
    "What sort of trouble?"
    "Well, I was typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    "Went away?"
    "They disappeared."
    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    "Nothing."
    "Nothing?"
    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    "Are you still in Word Perfect, or did you get out?"
    "How do I tell?"
    "Can you see the C:\prompt on the screen?"
    "What's a sea-prompt?"
    "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
    "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
    "What's a monitor?"
    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
    "I don't know."
    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
    "..... Yes, I think so."
    "Great! Follow the cord to the plug and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
    "Yes, it is."
    "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
    "No."
    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    "Okay, here it is."
    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    "I can't reach."
    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
    "No."
    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
    "Oh it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."
    "Dark?"
    "Yes the office light is off and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    "Well, turn on the office light then."
    "I can't."
    "No? Why not?"
    "Because there's a power outage."
    "A power ..... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    "Good, Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    "Really? Is it that bad?"
    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
    "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

  2. #2
    Maximum Bitrate Seth's Avatar
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    Awesome

  3. #3
    Jesus Freak antimatter's Avatar
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    Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee.....
    That is some good stuff
    -Jesus- King of Kings Lord of Lords

  4. #4
    Newbie CorMan's Avatar
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    that makes me feel better about my programming troubles

  5. #5
    Constant Bitrate
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    rofl but i can tell you there are enaugh ppl out there that are that stupid
    Golf 3 CarPc Status
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    PC: Slim notebook with 10.4"touch, external DVD.
    Dock for car is in production.
    Audio: Stock speakers but looking for new ones. CD-HU with FM modulator (ordered)


  6. #6
    I see dead kittens Quattro's Avatar
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    That's just too funny, how dumb can a person be. If he couldn't figure out the power was out, how did he have the brains to turn the computer on.
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  7. #7
    Neither darque nor pervert DarquePervert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quattro-A4
    That's just too funny, how dumb can a person be. If he couldn't figure out the power was out, how did he have the brains to turn the computer on.
    Dude, I support friggin' morons.
    I tell them to right-click on something, and I get responses like "with the right mouse button?"
    It takes every ounce of energy I have to not reach through the phone and slap them, let alone maintain a friendly, helpful demeanor...
    Have you looked in the FAQ yet?
    How about the Wiki?



    Under normal circumstances, a signature would go here.

  8. #8
    I see dead kittens Quattro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarquePervert
    Dude, I support friggin' morons.
    I tell them to right-click on something, and I get responses like "with the right mouse button?"
    It takes every ounce of energy I have to not reach through the phone and slap them, let alone maintain a friendly, helpful demeanor...
    I feel for you man, I wouldn't be able to stand something like that everyday.
    Installed
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    512 Ram - 60GB HD - Opus 150w
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  9. #9
    Newbie
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    For Darque..

    Lengthy, but addicitve

    http://bofh.ntk.net/Bastard.html

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