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Thread: Hurricane Shazza Warning.

  1. #1
    Confusion Master
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    Hurricane Shazza Warning.

    A major Hurricane (Shazza) measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in
    the early hours of Friday. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were
    seen wandering around aimless muttering "faaackin ell" ...

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately 30 worth of
    damage.
    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
    Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt-out cars
    were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.
    Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered,
    still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had
    happened in Basildon.

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5, said:
    "It
    was
    such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
    crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
    I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.The
    British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
    Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
    still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
    personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
    Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?
    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
    unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
    sought after, items most needed include:

    Fila or Burberry baseball caps
    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
    Shell suits (female)
    White sport socks
    Rockport boots
    Any other items usually sold in Primark.
    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
    Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals
    Tins of baked beans
    Ice cream
    Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
    2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
    5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those
    affected.

    **Breaking news**
    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where
    are you bleeding from?' they asked - "Romford," said the girl, "woss
    that got to do wiv it?"

  2. #2
    Rub One Out Motoko's Avatar
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    LOL, i know a Tracy Sharon Smith
    CarPC status: iPod, 3,456,217 songs so **** you

  3. #3
    FLAC Gutter's Avatar
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    I assume your Basildon, Essex is our Florida.

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