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Thread: the wife and i had 'the talk'

  1. #21
    Jesus Freak antimatter's Avatar
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    Is she willing to go through counceling with you?

    God can fix marriages
    -Jesus- King of Kings Lord of Lords

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by antimatter
    Is she willing to go through counceling with you?

    God can fix marriages
    I used to be church going but I'll admit I have pretty much lost my faith since my dad passed away. She's going to church next week with some friends. I hope she finds God if that's what she needs. As for me, I'm not sure I'm ready to step back in to church.

    This is all still fresh because it just happened over the last few days...the separation that is. So I'm not sure what the options are. I'm so glad I have messenger at work, but I'm tired of answering questions from friends that know..lol.

    So is counseling an option? I'm not sure. All I know is that she bailed on me. That's all I really need to know.

  3. #23
    Raw Wave Confused's Avatar
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    My parents split up/got divorced when I was 8

    Thankfully they didn't stay together, and they both went their seperate ways, but stayed amicable.

    I was still able to see both parents at the same time, and they would still sit down and have a cup of coffee together, and could (and still can) easily discuss matters pertaining to almost anything.

    I am VERY thankful that they didn't stay together "for the kids" as I KNOW that would have made things even worse, and they would have hated each other even more, and I would have hated them for arguing all the time.

    Whatever you decide to do, i can say on your kid's behalf, please try and keep things calm between you when the kid is around, and try to not bad-mouth the other party, as your kid loves you both equally, and will HATE to hear either of you talk badly about the other one.


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  4. #24
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    and if you don't fancy the God route...there are many other forms of counseling available.

    I know I had a friend whom was having issues with his family, carreer, life, job, girlfriend, etc. Was on the verge of a breakdown and went a seminar for a few days and it really, really helped him gain perspective. Since then, most of family and his girlfriend have also attended and the relationship have definitely been mended.

    All I'm saying is right now there is a lot of confusion, maybe even anger. But that doesn't always mean the end.

  5. #25
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    First of all thanks for the words of encouragement from everyone. I'm taking donations to my 'Make gambit32 happy and buy him a touchscreen monitor fund.'

    Quote Originally Posted by Confused
    Whatever you decide to do, i can say on your kid's behalf, please try and keep things calm between you when the kid is around, and try to not bad-mouth the other party, as your kid loves you both equally, and will HATE to hear either of you talk badly about the other one.
    We've already had this discussion. The gist of it was don't ever bad mouth each other in front of the kids or our parents. I don't think we would either. This is heavy enough for the kids.

    Quote Originally Posted by mykolJay
    All I'm saying is right now there is a lot of confusion, maybe even anger. But that doesn't always mean the end.
    I don't know that I'm angry at all. I'm very pragmatic. There was a problem and her leaving was a solution. Is it the right solution? I don't know. I think that it's moot as far as that goes. I'm definitely not confused about this. We laid it out in our talk(s) and this is what came of it. I guess if anything I'm more motivated. I'm motivated to get back into shape...man marriage can really make a man fat. I'm even entertaining law school since it's something that I've always wanted to do.

  6. #26
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    I should add that writing this has been very therapuetic for me. :-)

  7. #27
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    Don't rule out figuring things out, if neither of you cheated, going through a phase of not wanting to be together is pretty normal for most marriages, all my friends that have been married 10 years or more say there is a big bridge to cross every 5 to 7 years. I'm not overly religious but I do like the line

    Marriages are not born, they are built.

    I got divorced last year, thankfully no kids, if she hadn't cheated I would have tried to fix it, but adultery is one thing I can't forgive.

    Good luck, and like you, talking about it was my therapy.

  8. #28
    Maximum Bitrate carpcnoobie's Avatar
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    I'm a school teacher. I see many different family situations. Some of them are great. Others are outright scary to think of how these children will turn out.

    But reading this thread really does give me a good feeling. You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders. I've met many parents like you. I'll tell you, I really appreciate them. Not only for my job. But from an all around perspective. A perspective that not ALL families of seperated parents are DOOMED as the stereotype can lead to believe. There are many adults who can work thru this amicably.

    Trust me, your children WILL learn from this. It will help them in their future relationships, social skills and even in their academics. I used to teach middle school which has to be the worst time in any childs progression into adulthood. Your strong and mature role-modelling will make positive influences in their lives. This is more then I can say for even some children with 'intact' homes and 'loving parents that are together'.

    Best wishes to you. Thank you for sharing.

    BTW, you said you opened the fund for your touch screen. What about the therapy fees you own everyone on this thread.
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  9. #29
    Jesus Freak antimatter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gambit32
    I used to be church going but I'll admit I have pretty much lost my faith since my dad passed away. She's going to church next week with some friends. I hope she finds God if that's what she needs. As for me, I'm not sure I'm ready to step back in to church.

    This is all still fresh because it just happened over the last few days...the separation that is. So I'm not sure what the options are. I'm so glad I have messenger at work, but I'm tired of answering questions from friends that know..lol.

    So is counseling an option? I'm not sure. All I know is that she bailed on me. That's all I really need to know.
    No need to rush into church... why not start with some prayer?

    I hope things work out.

    Some times God just wants our attention. Maybe now is a good time to give him your attention.
    -Jesus- King of Kings Lord of Lords

  10. #30
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    Damn it, antimatter. You could not possibly conceive of the restraint required of me not to write a three page treatise on the level of conceit in your signature alone. Yes, conceit.

    That said, it's obvious that SmallDog and SmallDog alone can save this man.

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