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Thread: Jokes thread

  1. #101
    Banned rev2's Avatar
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    Some jokes my friend sent me - nonPC

    1.) How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?
    Put velcro on the ceiling.

    2.) Why are blacks getting stronger?
    T.V.s are getting heavier.

    3.) Why does L.A. have so many gays and N.Y. so many blacks?
    L.A. got first pick.

    4.) Why do black people have white hands?
    Everyone has some good in them.

    5.) What does FUBU stand for?
    Farmers used to buy us.

    6.) White folks aren't racist,
    they have colored t.v.s

    7.) Why don't black people like aspirin?
    Because it's white and it works.

    8.) What's the definition of mass confusion?
    Father's Day in Harlem.

    9.) Why do they put cotton in pill bottles?
    To remind blacks they used to pick cotton before they were drug dealers.

    10.) What's the difference between Bigfoot and a working black?
    Bigfoot has been spotted.

    11.) What does NAACP stand for?
    Now Apes Are Called People.

    12.) Why does Stevie Wonder always smile?
    He doesn't know he's black.

    13.) What do you call a black person having sex?
    Rape!

    14.) What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
    They both make blacks run fast.

    15.) What did God say when he made the first black person?
    Oops! Burnt another one!

    Hispanic:

    1.) What do you call a little Mexican?
    A paragraph cuz he's not quite an essay.

    2.) Why aren't there any Mexicans on Star Trek?
    They don't work in the future either.

    3.) Why do blacks put their garbage in clear bags?
    So Puerto Ricans can window shop.

    4.) What do you call two Mexicans Playin basketball?
    Juan on Juan.

    5.) Why do Mexicans eat tamales on Christmas?
    So they'll have something to unwrap.

    6.) A Mexican and a black are riding in a car. Whose driving?
    A cop.

    7.) How do you hide money from a Mexican?
    Hide it under a bar of soap.

    8.) Why is there no Mexican Olympic team?
    Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are already in the US

    9.) What is a Mexican without a lawnmower?
    Unemployed.

    10.) What do you call a Mexican getting baptised?
    Bean dip.

    Middle Eastern:

    1.) When is the only time you can spit on a Persian women's face?
    When her moustache is on fire.

    2.) Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Afghanistan?
    Because there's a target on every corner.

    3.) What doy you call a piece of sand paper in Afghanistan?
    A map.

    4.) What dou you call a guy with his hand up a camel's ***?
    An Afghan mechanic.

    5.) Failed Afghan recruitment slogans?
    a.) Free camouflage turbans! Sign up today!
    b.) Martyrs have more fun.
    c.) Uncle oSAMa wants you!
    d.) Be Allah you can be.

    6.) Why is the Afghan airforce so easy to train?
    You only have to teach them how to take off.

    Jewish:

    1.) What's the diffeence between a Jew and a canoe?
    A canoe tips.

    2.) What's a Jew's biggest dilemma?
    Free Pork.

    3.) Why did the Jews wander in the desert for 40 yrs?
    They heard someone dropped a quarter.

    4.) What is the techincal term for a Jewish Divorcee?
    The Plaintiff.

    5.) How does a Jewish child tease their classmates?
    They say "your momma pays retail."

    6.) What's faster than a speeding bullet.?
    A Jew with a coupon.

    7.) How was copper wire invented?
    Two Jews fighting over the same penny.

    8.) What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into the wall?
    He breaks his nose.

    9.) Why are there no Italian Jews?
    Because Italians know how to cook bread.

    Asians:

    1.) How do you blindfold an Asian?
    With dental floss.

    2.) How can you tell an asian robbed your house?
    Your homewrk's done, computer upgraded, and 2 hrs later they're still trying
    to back out of your driveway.

    Italians:

    1.) Have you heard of Italian Althzeimers?
    That's where you forget everything except the grudge.

    2.) Why can't they do a nativity scene in Italy?
    They can't find three wisemen and a virgin.

    3.) Why do Italians have big nostrils?
    Because they have big fingers.

    Bonus! Women:

    1.) Why don't women need watches?
    Because there are clocks on the ovens.

    2.) How many men does it take to open a beer?
    0, the beer should be open when the woman brings it to him.

    3.) What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing, you've already told her twice.

    For the ladies:
    4.) Things a man might do when his girlfriend tells him a baby is on the way:
    a.) Kick you in the stomache and catch you unawares
    b.) Swear to god you accidently fell that flight of stairs
    c.) When he tells you that he loves you he will look you in the eye, as he
    slowly slides the hanger up your thigh.

  2. #102
    Constant Bitrate OoNikFraleyoO's Avatar
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    Where are the white jokes? I demand you post white jokes or I may possibly think about threating you in a nonviolent way.

  3. #103
    Banned rev2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OoNikFraleyoO
    Where are the white jokes? I demand you post white jokes or I may possibly think about threating you in a nonviolent way.
    Do you mean redneck jockes?

  4. #104
    Constant Bitrate OoNikFraleyoO's Avatar
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    yeah sure that'll work. As long as you treat all races equally.

  5. #105
    Maximum Bitrate 2Fast's Avatar
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    Well he mentions women, they sound like blondes, blondes are white

  6. #106
    The Lavender Tie Just
    Made It Obvious
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2FastMR2
    Well he mentions women, they sound like blondes, blondes are white
    Not all of them....

    Dennis Rodman (Deneise Rodman ....)

    Peace,

    Rafster

  7. #107
    Banned rev2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2FastMR2
    Well he mentions women, they sound like blondes, blondes are white
    Exactly

    now... on with the jokes

  8. #108
    Confusion Master
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    SWEARING AT WORK

    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to the product managers attention that some
    individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during
    the course of normal conversation with their fellow employees. Due to
    complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this
    type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the
    critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
    when communicating with fellow employees.

    Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
    been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
    continue in an effective manner.

    1) TRY SAYING:
    I think you could use more training.

    INSTEAD OF:

    You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING:
    She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF:
    She's a ball-busting b__ch.

    3) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF:
    And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    4) TRY SAYING:
    I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF:
    No f______ way.

    5) TRY SAYING:
    Really?
    INSTEAD OF:
    You've got to be sh__ing me!

    6) TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF:
    Tell someone who gives a sh__.

    7) TRY SAYING:
    I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF:
    It's not my f______ problem.

    8) TRY SAYING:
    That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF:
    What the f___?

    9) TRY SAYING:
    I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This sh__ won't work.

    10) TRY SAYING:
    I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Why the h_! __ didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING:
    He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's got his head up his a__.

    12) TRY SAYING:
    Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Eat sh__ and die.

    13) TRY SAYING:
    So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Kiss my a__.

    14) TRY SAYING:
    I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF:
    F___ it, I'm on salary.

    15) TRY SAYING:
    I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Shove it up your a__.

    16) TRY SAYING:
    I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This job sucks.

    17) TRY SAYING:
    You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Who the h___ died and made you boss?

    18 ) TRY SAYING:
    He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He's a pr_ck.

  9. #109
    Confusion Master
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    21 things you can only get away with saying at Christmas


    1. I prefer breasts to legs

    2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

    3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

    4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

    5. I've never seen a better spread!

    6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

    7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

    8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it?

    9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

    10. Don't play with your meat.

    11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

    12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

    13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

    14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

    15. How long will it take after you put it in?

    16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

    17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

    18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

    19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

    20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

    21. I do like a good stuffing.

  10. #110
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    An Englishman is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.



    Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??" Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course." Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Britain." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Englishman listens in silence.



    The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??" Englishman: "Of Course." Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Britain."



    After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?" Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk. Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course." Englishman: "We don't. In Britain, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."

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