Page 14 of 23 FirstFirst ... 4567891011121314151617181920212223 LastLast
Results 131 to 140 of 224

Thread: Jokes thread

  1. #131
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Hampshire UK
    Posts
    291
    Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart non-native Americans who blow auto horns to break up traffic jams.

  2. #132
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Hampshire UK
    Posts
    291
    Essay on harmful effects of oil on sea life from an elementary-age youngster in England: "When my Mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil. And sure enough, all the sardines were dead."

  3. #133
    FLAC Spaghetti's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Spagcave, in da UK Today's phrase: J'aime Alizee
    Posts
    1,716
    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.
    Terrible


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
    *Groan*


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
    Get off the stage!!


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
    My grandad's funnier than you - and he's dead


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
    Rubbish!!


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
    Get out now


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.
    Old gag


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
    Diabolical!


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . what? (Oh, man this is so bad, it's good). A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    Supercalifragilistic absolutely ******* atrocious!!


    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
    Never come back




    And stop stealing Enforcer's jokebooks
    In da club....

    ALIZEE WANTS YOU.....

    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")
    Bunny's first poo
    __ U

  4. #134
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Hampshire UK
    Posts
    291
    Where is the old devil anyway? Aha here he is!

  5. #135

  6. #136
    FLAC sama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    London, UK
    Posts
    1,375
    why did the girl fall of the swing?


    she had no arms.




    ... and someone pushed her

  7. #137
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Hampshire UK
    Posts
    291
    Ok well thanks for PMing me this then!


    One day a piece of string went into a bar for a drink.

    "Can I have a pint of Director's please, Mr Barman?" he asked
    "Are you a piece of string?" the barman asked.
    "Why yes of course," was the answer.
    "Hmm well sorry - we don't serve pieces of string in this establishment. Good day to you!" and the barman walked off.

    Disheartened by this exchange, our hero wandered round the corner where he bumped into his mate, also a piece of string.

    After hearing the sad tale, the newcomer decides to try his luck.

    2 minutes later he's back outside, looking a bit tangled and dishevelled, but proudly carrying 2 pints of Courage!

    "How did you do that!" asked the first piece of string.

    "Oh, when he asked if I was a piece of string I just said, 'No I'm afraid not'"....

  8. #138
    Confusion Master
    Auto Apps:loading...
    Enforcer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    If you go down to the woods today, You're sure of
    Posts
    14,622
    Quote Originally Posted by sama
    why did the girl fall of the swing?


    she had no arms.




    ... and someone pushed her




    yeah, thanks for sharing.


    now get your coat

  9. #139
    Maximum Bitrate 2Fast's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Bristol UK
    Posts
    595
    Doctor says to Paddy "Your wife's just had triplets", "i'm not surprised" replies Paddy " i've got a c0ck like a chimney", "well i suggest you get it swept, the kids are black".

  10. #140
    Confusion Master
    Auto Apps:loading...
    Enforcer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    If you go down to the woods today, You're sure of
    Posts
    14,622
    Quote Originally Posted by 2FastMR2
    Doctor says to Paddy "Your wife's just had triplets", "i'm not surprised" replies Paddy " i've got a c0ck like a chimney", "well i suggest you get it swept, the kids are black".

    I'm sorry, but what stops Paddy from being black?



Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 27
    Last Post: 12-20-2005, 08:29 AM
  2. Hot Chicks Thread - NOT WORK SAFE
    By ODYSSEY in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-17-2005, 09:38 PM
  3. skins thread suggestion
    By liquid_smoke in forum FrodoPlayer
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-11-2004, 09:31 PM
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-07-2004, 11:52 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •