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Thread: Jokes thread

  1. #151
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enforcer
    I'm sorry, but what stops Paddy from being black?




    Lets step though this once again - slowly - for those at the BACK of the class.

    Quote Originally Posted by 2fast
    Doctor says to Paddy "Your wife's just had triplets", "i'm not surprised" replies Paddy " i've got a c0ck like a chimney", "well i suggest you get it swept, the kids are black".
    Note there is no scene or setting. Possibly the writer felt this was unimportant, or perhaps he assumed that from the character simply entitled "Doctor" we could reasonably imagine this to be in a medical establishment.

    The next character we encounter is "Paddy". Paddy is a familiar abbreviation of "Patrick", the most popular male name in Ireland.

    The medical theme is continued in the first line of conversation; "Your wife's just had triplets".

    So, we are in an Irish hospital, probably the maternity wing.

    "i'm not surprised" replies Paddy : This is interesting. It implies that Paddy should have been surprised, presumably by the Doctor's previous statement. The reasons at this stage are unclear; perhaps the Doctor felt the birth of triplets was unusual or just that Paddy was of sufficiently unintelligent appearance to be aware even of his spouse's fecundity.

    Paddy's reply, a poetic recipe of alliteration and simile, answers our immediate questions. Not only is Paddy aware of the process of pregnancy and childbirth, he also considers himself physically endowed of sufficient proportion to make fathering three children at once commonplace.

    "well i suggest you get it swept, the kids are black". The Doctor is clearly unimpressed with Paddy’s previous boast, and implies that the offspring are black with soot from Paddy’s “chimney”.
    This is the keystone of our discussion today. If Paddy was of coloured origin, the Doctor would have seen nothing out of the ordinary with Paddy’s children being black.
    Hence we must therefore deduce that Paddy could not have been black.

    Discuss…


  2. #152
    Confusion Master
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    Enforcer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog
    http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...tumbleweed.gif

    Lets step though this once again - slowly - for those at the BACK of the class.P

    Ok, even slower for those that didn't make the class.


    HOWTO post an image


    take the code for image img, surround it with square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [img]
    take url of image, make sure image has the filename and extension at the end.


    Code:
    http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b382/AndyA-UK/tumbleweed.gif
    then follow this with a closing /img in between two square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [/img]
    putting this altogether gives you



  3. #153
    Maximum Bitrate 2Fast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by roadhog


    Lets step though this once again - slowly - for those at the BACK of the class.



    Note there is no scene or setting. Possibly the writer felt this was unimportant, or perhaps he assumed that from the character simply entitled "Doctor" we could reasonably imagine this to be in a medical establishment.

    The next character we encounter is "Paddy". Paddy is a familiar abbreviation of "Patrick", the most popular male name in Ireland.

    The medical theme is continued in the first line of conversation; "Your wife's just had triplets".

    So, we are in an Irish hospital, probably the maternity wing.

    "i'm not surprised" replies Paddy : This is interesting. It implies that Paddy should have been surprised, presumably by the Doctor's previous statement. The reasons at this stage are unclear; perhaps the Doctor felt the birth of triplets was unusual or just that Paddy was of sufficiently unintelligent appearance to be aware even of his spouse's fecundity.

    Paddy's reply, a poetic recipe of alliteration and simile, answers our immediate questions. Not only is Paddy aware of the process of pregnancy and childbirth, he also considers himself physically endowed of sufficient proportion to make fathering three children at once commonplace.

    "well i suggest you get it swept, the kids are black". The Doctor is clearly unimpressed with Paddy’s previous boast, and implies that the offspring are black with soot from Paddy’s “chimney”.
    This is the keystone of our discussion today. If Paddy was of coloured origin, the Doctor would have seen nothing out of the ordinary with Paddy’s children being black.
    Hence we must therefore deduce that Paddy could not have been black.

    Discuss…

    Well put that man

    Quote Originally Posted by Enforcer
    Ok, even slower for those that didn't make the class.


    HOWTO post an image


    take the code for image img, surround it with square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [img]
    take url of image, make sure image has the filename and extension at the end.


    Code:
    http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b382/AndyA-UK/tumbleweed.gif
    then follow this with a closing /img in between two square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [/img]
    putting this altogether gives you


    Stop being so f'ing awkward

  4. #154
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enforcer
    Ok, even slower for those that didn't make the class.


    HOWTO post an image


    take the code for image img, surround it with square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [img]
    take url of image, make sure image has the filename and extension at the end.


    Code:
    http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b382/AndyA-UK/tumbleweed.gif
    then follow this with a closing /img in between two square brackets

    thus

    Code:
    [/img]
    putting this altogether gives you



    alright alright.
    I noticed it as soon as I posted, the connection was slow, the server bumped me out and I had to re-log in and then the page wouldn't refresh. And the dog ate my homework.
    Please sir can I go now!

  5. #155

  6. #156
    MySQL Error Scouse Monkey's Avatar
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    Mr. Cadbury and Mrs Rowntree met on a coach journey.

    It was After Eight.

    She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend.

    On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, he had Rum & Butter and she had a Wine Gum.

    He asked her name. "Polo, I'm the one with the hole", she said. "I'm the one with the Nuts", he thought.

    Then he touched her Milky Way.

    They checked into a hotel and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.

    It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt the contrast of her Double Decker. Then he showed her his Curly Wurly. Ms Rowntree wasn't keen to have any more Jelly Babies, so she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard.

    He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a Magic Moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight.

    When he came out, his Fun Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie. She wanted more but he decided to take Time Out.

    However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising... So he did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbert and gave her a Gob Stopper.

    Unfortunately Mr. Cadbury then had to go home to his wife, Caramel.

    Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught VD. It turns out Mrs Rowntree had been with All Sorts.

  7. #157
    FLAC Spaghetti's Avatar
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    In da club....

    ALIZEE WANTS YOU.....

    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")
    Bunny's first poo
    __ U

  8. #158
    Variable Bitrate roadhog's Avatar
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    If only all problem page writers were like this!

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me
    and my sister.
    A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough
    of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being
    an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not some cousins
    involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your
    relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal
    and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
    A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories per
    spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great
    glow to the skin. It also adds protein to your hair and keeps it naturally
    lustrous. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex
    on him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows
    he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him a nice, expensive
    present and cook him a nice meal.

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
    A: This is perfectly natural behavior, and it should be encouraged. Man is a
    hunter gatherer and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far
    from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and
    to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional
    and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do
    is to buy him a nice, expensive present and cook him a nice meal and don't
    mention this aspect of his behavior.

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
    A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it
    on your own time. To help with the family budget you may want to video tape
    yourself while doing this, and to sell it at car-booth sales. To ease your selfish
    guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present and cook him a delicious meal.

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband is not interested in foreplay.
    A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your
    man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood.
    Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying him a nice
    expensive present and cook him a nice meal.

    Dear Mr. Abby:
    Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
    A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists
    and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your
    love to him by buying him a nice expensive present ... and don't forget to
    cook him a nice delicious meal.

  9. #159
    MySQL Error Scouse Monkey's Avatar
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  10. #160
    Raw Wave lostreception's Avatar
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    A Guy Goes To A Supermarket And Notices A Beautiful Blonde Wave At Him,and Then Says Hello.


    He's Rather Taken Back, Because He Can't Place Where He Knows Her From, So He Says "do You Know Me?"

    To Which She Replies "i Think You're The Father Of One Of My Kids."

    Now He Thinks Back To The Only Time He Has Ever Been Unfaithful To His Wife And Says, "my God, Are You The Stripper From My Bachelor Party That I Laid On The Pool Table With All My Buddies Watching, While Your Partner Whipped My *** With Wet Celery And Then Stuck A Carrot Up My Butt?"





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