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Thread: Jokes thread

  1. #211
    Newbie PoopMasterFlex's Avatar
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    Oh, and the old classic:
    Billy walks in to school one day and says to his first grade teacher: " Im really sad today, because my neighbor's car backed over my dog and hit him in the ***.
    The teacher replies: "No Billy, not ***, rectum."
    To which Billy says, "Rectum? Damn Near Killed 'em!"

  2. #212
    Bowel movement jjh221's Avatar
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    Deep in the backwoods the hillbilly's wife went
    into labor in the middle of the night, and the
    doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
    Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed
    the father-to-be a lantern and said,
    "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
    Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
    "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put
    the lantern down...I think there's another one coming."
    Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
    "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be
    putting down that lantern...
    It seems there's yet another one in there!"
    cried the doctor.
    The hillbilly scratched his head in bewilderment,
    and asked the doctor,
    "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
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  3. #213
    Rub One Out Motoko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PoopMasterFlex View Post
    Oh, and the old classic:
    Billy walks in to school one day and says to his first grade teacher: " Im really sad today, because my neighbor's car backed over my dog and hit him in the ***.
    The teacher replies: "No Billy, not ***, rectum."
    To which Billy says, "Rectum? Damn Near Killed 'em!"
    i dont get it
    CarPC status: iPod, 3,456,217 songs so **** you

  4. #214
    Bowel movement jjh221's Avatar
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    I GIVE FREE HUGS!
    Buy Sell or Trade
    If my pm box is full, please feel free to call me any time. 440-328-3382
    Thank you
    Forex
    Rate Mp3car @ FXroot.com


  5. #215
    My Village Called 0l33l's Avatar
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    Something I heard in class and thought was funny:
    "An economist is someone who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing"

  6. #216
    The Lavender Tie Just
    Made It Obvious
    Rafster's Avatar
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    A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.

    On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

    The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.

    "Yes?"

    "You know."

  7. #217
    The Lavender Tie Just
    Made It Obvious
    Rafster's Avatar
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    In Heaven:

    The cooks are French,
    The policemen are English,
    The mechanics are German,
    The lovers are Italian,
    The bankers are Swiss.

    In Hell:

    The cooks are English,
    The policemen are German,
    The mechanics are French,
    The lovers are Swiss,
    The bankers are Italian.


    In Computer Heaven:

    The management is from Intel,
    The design and construction is done by Apple,
    The marketing is done by Microsoft,
    IBM provides the support,
    Gateway determines the pricing.

    In Computer Hell:

    The management is from Apple,
    Microsoft does design and construction,
    IBM handles the marketing,
    The support is from Gateway,
    Intel sets the price.

  8. #218
    Newbie
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    Q: Why don't witches wear undies?

    A: Get more grip on the broom stick



    Q: Why did the elephant paint his balls red?
    A: So he could hide in the cheery tree


    Q: How did tarzan die?
    A: Eating too many cheery's
    Soltek Qbic P4 3.4G - 1GB RAM - Lilliput 8"
    1974 Ford Mk1 Escort

  9. #219
    Constant Bitrate
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    Perth, Australia
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    NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT.
    Just a warning, don't wanna get flamed/abused/banned

    A man is driving a desert road through Australia. He spots an aboriginal walking along the side of the road, so he swerves and hits him.
    Thirty minutes later, he sees another one, so again he swerves and hits him.
    An hour later, he spots a broken down car on the side of the road. He stops to offer help, and a lift. In the car gets a priest. Thirty minutes later, the driver spots another aboriginal walking along the side of the road, swerves toward him, but pulls away at the last minute remembering the priest is in the car. He apolosgises; "Sorry Father".
    The priest replies; "That's alright, I got the f**ker with my door!"

  10. #220
    Newbie
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    An Englishman an ozzy an a kiwi are all tramping through the desert about 30 mins apart the english man is the first to arrive at the hotel and the first to find out that it's all booked out, the owner then offers him aroom with his 18 cats which the englisman gratefully accepts
    Along comes the ozzy same story except the owner offers him a room with his 18 dogs an once again the ozzy accepts
    Along comes the kiwi only to find out that not only is the room booked out but the englishman an the ozzy have taken rooms with the owners animals and all that's left is aroom with the owners 18 daughters

    Next day they all meet up outside an the englishman strecthes an says "I feel great and I slept like a cat last night" The ozzy replies "well i I slept like a dog last night and i too feel pretty good" to which the kiwi chimes in "I slept like a golfball last night and boy am i buggered"
    "What" exclaim the englishman and the ozzy
    To which the kiwi replies in and out of 18 holes
    Soltek Qbic P4 3.4G - 1GB RAM - Lilliput 8"
    1974 Ford Mk1 Escort

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