Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
that is absolutely brilliant. You made my day.
Man is propped up at the bar, hopelessly drunk, traces of vomit on his shirt and on the verge of tears.
“What’sh wrong” slurs his buddy, also drunk.
“It’s my wife… she’s gonna be mad at me for being drunk again. And she told me if I got my clothes messed up she’d throw me out.”
“Just do what I do” said his buddy. “Just fold up a $20 and stick it in you shirt pocket. Then when she starts to tell you off for the mess on your shirt, just tell her it was someone else, and they gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned.”
“Hey great!” he says, brightening up.
Back at home his wife is furious.
“Look at the mess you’re in! I’ve had en-”
Our hero cuts in -
“Wait I can explain, some guy spewed on me and put $20 in my pocket to get my shirt cleaned, look…”
“There’s $40 in here” she growled suspiciously
“Yeah – well…
He **** in my pants too….”
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over...
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Old plans out the window because of an accident .
Have: M1-ATX, EPIA M10000, 256MB, 60GB 2.5", slim slot load DVD
Need: Time, HU integration, ideas for Lilli
Get rid of that annoying whine whilst in the car!
Just let her drive...
This chap is coming home from a night club one night, and takes a short cut across the railway…
Next night in the pub his mate asks why he wasn’t at work that day.
“Well… the damnedest thing happened last night. I was taking a short cut down by the railway when I saw this bag on the tracks. I went down to take a look, but when I got close it turned out to be a girl! God she was pretty fit, so I took her back to mine to warm up and well, and one thing led to another…
One minute she was on the sofa, the next – I was licking her out! then I just slipped the old man in you know?
Hell, it was going so good I just flipped her over and finished her up the ***!
I knew this was going to be an all nighter…”
His mate said, “Bloody hell that sounded pretty good. Did you get a blow job too?”
Our hero hangs his head. “Nope. I searched for ages, but couldn’t find her head…”
In a science class. This beautiful, popular girl, Lauren Wood, is seated next to an innocent, self-spoken guy, Rob. The homosexual teacher speaks before beginning a lab project. He end's the lecture with "please stay at your groups table and I will come around and light the wood on fire." Rob see's this as an opportunity to use a pick-up line on Lauren. He says "This Woods already on fire!" a makes direct eye contact with Lauren for a continuous ammount of time... Lauren is blown away and decides to give Rob something... Her name with a heart through it, with a phone number under it.
True story. Happened today. I am a pimp.
^^ don't you think you should've started an lgbr-style thread?
or do you want us think of it as a joke?
btw - you go mack daddy! =)