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Thread: Oh crap I am going to be 30 next month and my life sucks - long story

  1. #1
    Variable Bitrate will1384's Avatar
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    Oh crap I am going to be 30 next month and my life sucks - long story

    Well I am going to be 30 on newyears - and have not got a
    damn thing done I wanted to do with my life

    Part of the reason is were I live - Part is my dad and I know a
    lot of it is me

    I live in the middle of noware - about 30 miles from any citys
    - my dad never would help me get a car till I was 25 -

    So I have been trapped at home most of my life, now my dads
    health is starting to fail - and he is almost blind and getting
    worse all the time - I face the reality that I will have to take
    care of him - and because I have been trapped at home -
    I have only had a few jobs - and they were all low paying
    - the one I have now - dont count, My boss is having hard
    times - so he cant pay me very much - and computer jobs
    in Arkansas are hard to find - and because of Collage I
    cant work full time - plus it would be a 30-60 minute drive
    or more

    Right now my dad pays most of my bills - and I do all the
    house / yard work- and I spend what little money I make,
    on stuff to keep me from going insane - to keep me distracted

    I really have only me to blame - I should have ether offed my self
    or ran away a long time ago

    But I look at my life and understand that I have done nothing
    and it just kills me

    I have ran away 2 times - Once I ran way when I was about 15
    I lived in a old chicken coop - that had chickens - and power
    - fresh chickens are good eating - I lived in there for about
    6 weeks - I was friends with the owners kids, and they would
    let me in the house when there parents were away - to get a
    shower, I had a old TV, and sleeping bag and a Atari 2600

    And back in 1998 I had got some stock from my rich grandpa
    and made 10,000 off of it - I said F_ck it and left the next day
    - I lived in Bull Head AZ, for about a year, Only could find 1 job,
    Mall Guard - the mall was built on the side of the hill, riding a
    bike up and down that hill for 8 hours, with only one 15 min
    break, the hill was at a about 45% angle about 1000 foot long
    and you had to ride on the cat walk that went around the roof
    of the Mall on the outside of the facade of the building
    about 3 stories up - Sh;it Job -

    The boss was a dik and treated me bad - I told him to
    funk off and he started to back track - wanted me to stay
    - I said nope - but never found another job - had to sell
    my 30 foot travel tralier and all my stuff and move back
    with my dad

    My grandpa was rich million dollar house, ect ect
    always said he would pay for me to go to Collage
    told me to be good or he would not leave me any thing,
    - I had thought that this would be a way out of
    this hell hole - my grandpa was old and frail ,
    MR Burns - looked just like him, He went to
    Church one day and met some one from the
    Nazarene church that talked him into giving
    all his money to them - some thing along the lines
    of - you will be forgotten and no one will remember
    you unless you give us all your money

    And kept at it till he gave in - then a week later
    after changing his will - he got whacked -
    they found him dead in his lake with a garden
    tractor on top of him

    The courts found it odd but could not do much
    about it - they did force the Nazarene church
    to take care of my crazy mom - his daughter,
    with a trust that is made just from the interest
    from his money - and when she dies - they get
    to keep that money

    - Guess what grampaw, - my kids will never
    hear you name and some day I will steel you
    tomb stone and chunk it in the lake

    He was also mean and evil just like Mr Burns

    - So now I had to take night classes at a cheap votec
    school - Because my dad would not let me have a car
    and he had to drive me

    That and what would have been a 2 year course turned into
    a 7-8 year thing - part of the reason is my dad can
    only afford 2 clases at a time

    - Guess what grampaw - I am also taking a crap on your grave

    - I know it was never my money - and I should not feel that way -
    but he use to hold it over every one to get them to do stuff for him
    and to control you

    So Now I am almost 30 and one or two semesters left
    and I face the reality - that I will have to stay and take
    care of my dad - the one that kept me trapped all those
    years - and I have not had a girlfriend in years, no money
    and crappy house, stuck to my dad - no way out

    - I could go on about my crappy life - abusive mom, troubled
    child hood ect ect - but - I am more worried about the future
    - it all looks bad

  2. #2
    FLAC arebelspy's Avatar
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    Wow. You should do something about that or something?

    -arebelspy
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  3. #3
    Underachiever ACHIEVER's Avatar
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  4. #4
    Raw Wave tj!2k4's Avatar
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    Hey, don't be so down on yourself, will.. we're just kidding you about the bathroom

    In all seriousness though

    I've had kinda gotten the vibe that you were a bit down on yourself based on some of the posts you've made..

    Don't fret. I'm right there in the boat with you. I turned 30 the day before Thanksgiving, and I've been contemplating what I've achieved in my lifetime. Well, I can assure you it's not much. I certainly haven't made my first million, and I've barely made it to the first page of the mp3car.com members, when sorted by postcount. Yay.

    Everyone has a story and I'll spare you mine, but you've got to get past the bs you've been dealt and think about where you want to be in life, ultimately. Once you have a goal, you can devise a strategy on how to get there. Start with small goals. First you crawl, then you walk, and then finally you can run. I know it's all easier said than done, but you have to start thinking positively.

    It sounds like you're still on the path, making progress.. only a couple of semesters left in school.. which is farther than I've made it with education.

    There's always a way out, and it has nothing to do with ending any lives. I really hope you aren't thinking about anything like that.

    Look at the big picture.

    Perhaps you should look for a job in a more populated area, perhaps state or local government, a job with benefits.. benefits which could help your pops out, since you said he's not doing so well. Move and take dad with you.. what choice does he have if you have to take care of him?

  5. #5
    Variable Bitrate will1384's Avatar
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    I will tell you a sad story - I was talking to a customer at the
    computer shop on day and telling him my story -

    He said I under stand that your in pain and your life sucks - but

    -THIS IS WHAT HE SAID-

    I lost my family and every thing I own in a fire - and after
    I got out of the hospital - I was charged with there death - I
    spent 10 years in prison - I was not at fault - had nothing to do
    with it, but the court decided I did, it came out later that the evidence
    was messed up and it was not arson - but I never got any money
    or apology from the state - I meet people in prison that had it worse
    than me - lives that were a living hell - I understand now that pain is
    relative to the person

    a rich kid could fell just as bad about not getting that second sports car
    and want to kill him self as a teen that is in love and broke up with his
    girl friend, as a person that lost his dad - each problem is different
    and some are worse than others - but we all feel pain - and just because
    one problem is worse than the other does not make the pain less

    I understand your pain - its the pain of feeling helpless and like there is no
    reason to live

    I felt that way for a long time - but I knew that I must be the one
    to make it better - and that it can be better, and will be better

    - I met my wife a few years after I got out of prison and now
    have my own business - All it took was a choice to try and a little
    faith
    the computer he wanted me to repair - was my first
    computer, that I sold years ago - over 5 years ago to
    some one else - I always thought that was strange

    But no, I would not kill my self - I fear having to live this
    life over again - because knowing my luck thats what would happen

  6. #6
    Maximum Bitrate DJiK's Avatar
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    Dude that sucks!
    I mean a 30-year-old who talks about ****ting on his rich granfather's grave.
    Come on, give us a break.
    It was funny when you said in a post somewhere that there are no sheeps around where you live, and I laughed, hard.
    To be honest with you, I don't even know where Arkansas is, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you've made it to Arizona before, which means you could probably make it to California.
    Go ahead and finish your education while you still have the chance to learn (without worrying too much about more basic needs like food and shelter).
    So get yourself out here, stop worrying about the past (you can't change anything anyway), understand that what happened with the money is a lesson you should've learned, and concentrate on the future.
    Don't just say your "life sucks." Everyone's life sucks at one point, but people learn to move on.
    Do you already know what you want to do with your life (where would you like to work and live, what kind of woman would you want to be with, what your short- and long-term goals generally are)?
    Anyone could be sitting in the middle of nowhere and whining about it, but it takes a Man to make the situation better.
    Oh yeah, stop blaming people... In the end of a blame game, nobody is right nor wrong. (Look at the example of your first customer: he was blamed and nobody apologized to him, so what? --So he did something about it, or rather, because of it. I'll bet you he's happy with the decisions he made thereafter.)
    Since you decided to spit it all out here, do everyone who are reading this thread a favor and publicly commit yourself to doing something that'll make things better for you. And stick to it!

    P.S.
    You're about 10 years too young to be having a mid-life crisis, so chill...
    For Sale: Carputer (CarPC) & RCA Y-Adapter
    Newsflash: Take a look at my unsold stuff above, thanks!
    Up Next: Make an OBD to Serial cable & Redo the "MMI buttons"

  7. #7
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  8. #8
    Raw Wave shotgunefx's Avatar
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    Sounds rough.

    I commend you for trying to do what's right by your family. It can be really tough taking care of them, especially as they get older.

    I can empathize a bit. Last few years were pretty rough. Things were going pretty good. Finally getting the places I wanted to go.

    Then for some reason, life decided to repeatedly shuffle my loved ones off the mortal coil. First in 99, my Nana died. She lived with us all her life. Like a second mother to us. It was tough. I'm from a tight knit family and it difficult, but at least she had a long life (92).

    Then it was a downward spiral from there. The next year, one of my best friends OD'ed on heroin. That was tough. He was only 24 and because of his habits, I rarely saw him the last few years. In 2001, my mother, my dad, and one of my brothers started getting health problems which all the various hospitals misdiagnose.

    I find out in April of 2002, that my brother has terminal cancer. A couple weeks later, the idiots finally figure out what's wrong with my mother (or rather I did, another story for another time). Lung cancer and it's in a terminal stage. Before this, most of my family made it to the 90s, more than a few 100+, so death always seemed aways off.

    I was 29 at the time. The two things I feared most, loosing my mother and loosing a sibling, at the same *****ing time.

    So I spend the rest of the summer taking care of my mom in hospice, watching her die. They were talking a year or two. She didn't make it 4 months.

    Horrible. More horrible for my brother as he had to see his own end in front of him. Watching what wasn't long off for himself. Picking out my mother's casket and his own. I don't know how he did it.

    My brother had it everywhere. They gave him a month, maybe two. He wanted to make it to his 40th birthday, 10 months away. He keeps on living, spiting his body. Somehow he just willed himself on, despite the fact that he should be dead. Just unbelievable how hard he fought. He died on his 40th birthday.

    So thirty really sucked as it was the start of this alien reality. (Two years on, it still feels fake). Most of the goals that I was close to reaching are now moot. It's like starting all over again.

    Then this year, they figure out what's been causing all of my dad's problems for the last 4 years. Take a wild guess... cancer.

    It's enough to just make you want to snap. Unfortunately, when the boot of life is bearing down, there's not much you can do about it.

    The only thing you can do is react. To try and make the best of it. It can't stay bad forever and remember, it could always be worse.

    My friend Stephanie lost her mother on Friday, her dad on the next Friday. A few weeks later, her brother was diagnosed with brain cancer and died shortly after. Her whole family wiped off the face of the earth virtually overnight. I feel lucky in comparison.

    Enough of my griping...

    So it seems like alot of your problems come from being so isolated. Don't know how things are with your dad, but any chance of getting him to move someplace a little less isolated? I know that answer probably entails countless other questions and I'm sure you've thought of it. Taking care of my dad takes up a lot of my time, and I only live a few blocks away and get help from some of my siblings. I can only imagine how hard it must be by yourself.

    Don't know his age or what if any insurance he has. Is there any type of help programs available at all? Any senior programs or anything, so you could at least take a night off a week and have a semblance of a life?

    I don't know what your studying or what skills you have, but is anything applicable to working online? Don't know if you're going to school for CS, but I see you're into computers. I saw an article awhile back on Rural Insourcing that may be of interest. If that's not a fit, perhaps you can find something similar that does.

  9. #9
    Unregistered User ODYSSEY's Avatar
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    WOW @ both of you. Don't know what else to say.
    ODYSSEY

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  10. #10
    Banned xdjxklusivex's Avatar
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    hey dude dont worry mannn times are ****ty for everyone at one point all i can say is suck it up and make the best of what u got things will change and u neva know maybe we will be comin to u for jobs :-) put a smile on ur face crack open that computer case and install a new harddrive!! woooHOOO


    To be honest with you, I don't even know where Arkansas is,
    dumbass!!!!! hahaha

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