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Thread: Get your gf to quit smoking

  1. #1
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    Get your gf to quit smoking

    How do you do it?

    This has got to be one of the most difficult things in a relationship. First off let me just get a few facts across.

    This post is more therapeutic than anything, an alternative to me jumping off the bloody roof. I love my girlfriend more than anything else in the world. I would do anything for her and want nothing more than for her to live a long, healthy, happy life.

    She is very beautiful, but her beauty is young and being threatened by her smoking every day. She is just starting to show visual evidence of the damage being caused... her skin is loosing 'glow', her voice is being affected, and her hair is being damaged. She knows whats going on but hides it from herself with makeup etc.

    Why do I care? I have lost 2 close relatives, both female, that were very important in my life and whom I loved very much. I lost them both because they were smokers, developed lung cancer, and died. Both of them still managed to smoke till their deaths. They both died before they could see the world, and accomplish their dreams. One of them had owned a business which went on to prosper and made a fortune for her bussiness partner. Also my grandparents all died from diseases related to smoking and second hand smoke. Smoking kills, I've seen it up close and personal.

    My g/f has tried everything to quit. She's tried and failed probably a dozen times over the last 2 years. There's been hundreds spent on patches, pills, gimmics, speeches, therapy, etc etc. She's strongly addicted, and the temptation gets the better of her every time. Her mother also smokes, and has tried to quit along with her each time, with the same result.

    This morning it came to a boiling point for me. It's too painful to sit and watch, to say nothing. I always try to offer an alternative, but its the cigarette she wants, theres nothing I can say or do that changes it. I sat there wondering to myself if she would choose smoking over being with me. The question burned me inside, so it blew out, I asked her what she would choose if she could have only one. Uh oh, wrong question.

    She got very upset about me not being fair and that she was going to quit one day etc etc. she says quitting doesnt happen all at once... but that's not my belief. I think the only way to quit is all at once. She thinks its ok to just 'cut back'. But that's such bull****. a poison is killing you and your answer is to take less poison? It doesnt make any sense. With every drag, every smoke, her addiction sets in further. I try to explain my point of view, but at this point we're arguing, and she's leaving my apartment. She always goes home when things arent going her way. Home to have a smoke with mom.

    So there it is, I made her choose, and she chose smoking. I don't think we're broken up... we might be... but I dont think so.

    Her habits are set in so deep, I feel like it would take the end of the world to change them. coffee = smoke. sex = smoke. morning = smoke. food = smoke. stress = smoke. drinking = smoke. weed = smoke.

    I cant be with a smoker. It's too difficult for me, I can bring myself to see past it for awile, but eventually, it just gets the better of me. Why invest my time and love in someone who is knowingly killing themselves? Its going to end in pain and death.

    What should I do? How do I help her quit, without her just ending up smoking behind my back?

  2. #2
    Neither darque nor pervert DarquePervert's Avatar
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    If you love her, love her as she is without trying to change her.
    If you feel the need for her to change something, then you don't love her, but your own idealistic vision of her.

    If the smoking is something that you can't deal with, then you should seriously evaluate your relationship.

    You can't change her, plain and simple. Only she can change herself, whether it's quitting smoking or getting more organized or going to college. It's entirely up to her. If she chooses to quit smoking, support her and help her in any way you can, of course.
    But ultimately, it's up to her to make that decision.
    Have you looked in the FAQ yet?
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  3. #3
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    It sounds like you've done all you can, and should.

    It's her choice man. I'm as strongly opposed to smoking as you are, but I'm also for allowing people to make their own choices. You don't like her choice, you don't spend time with her... It's that simple. You can't change people, even if you love them.

  4. #4
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    I think you guys are getting me a little wrong since I made my post right after she just left. It does make it sound like I've been trying to change her. The truth is, I have been nothing but supportive of her and I dont normally make a big deal out of it. I do love her and she wants to quit more than anything, she smokes privately and wants to quit, but she's tried so many times that its easy for her to keep going back, the store is right across the street.

    I guess my issue is more about me. Does this bother me enough to make it question the relationship? something for me to think about.

  5. #5
    MySQL Error Scouse Monkey's Avatar
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    Get your gf to quit smoking
    use more lube or hump her slower!



    seriously though this is a bit of a battle of the sexes....if a girl demands a bloke stops smoking it is socially seent hat he shoudl do it. it is afterall disgusting, a waste of money and danger to his and everyone else around hims health.

    But for a man to tell a woman to stop - ouch! Feminists unite and burn the devilish man and all his kind.

    I took up occassional weed use while going out with Rach many years ago and she didnt lke it. I didnt do it infront of her but soemtimes Iw ould be a bit stoned when she came round or we went out. This happened about 4 or 5 times over a couple of months. Anyway, I got dumped because of it...at first she would not tell me what was wrong then I got it out of her...i was doing something illegal and she like drugs...well we gor back together after she made me promise to never smoke again. I then had to sneakily smoke and gulp things like jack daniels but on the whole I did stop as I loved her and didnt want to lose her ever again (we split up for good a few years later).

    That girl brainwashed me and changed me and tuirned me into a shadow of myself. she sapped all my self confidence..made me go from a lean 10.5 stone to ovr 14 stone and made it impossible for me to make desicions for myself.

    Now I resent her for changing me and doing what she did but....smoking is different. Smoking is a vice and it is dirty and dangerous and stinks. Also, if you plant o have kids she WILL have to stop. I would not have kids with a woman who smoked - both due the pregnancy and I dont want that **** around my kids. Her smoke affects you...it makes your clothes smell, it makes her smell, it damages your health....you hve been going out with her becaus you love her, what is inside and what is outside. You have done that despite her smoking which obviously bothers you and she should respect that and do something that is good for you, for her and for your relationship. If she refuses to see why it is good she is being a ******* stupid **** of a woman (sorry but its the only way to describe that behaviour) and something else is wrong with your relationship.

    I could say give her an ultimatum - 'me or the fags' - but that is not right. You have already tried that too and it is a horrible thing to do. MAybe you should take up something horrible - wank to porn 24/7 or chew tobacco or pretend to snort coke. See how she likes it.

    Actually that is childish - and something my Ex did to me. She smoked a plain cigarrette and then called me to tell me. At first she claimed it was to seewhat it was like but then I asked her if it was jsut so she could tell me to spite me - I then put this too her and she could not hide her shame and I told her I thought less of her. (yes we did seem to have a ****ty relationship now i look back on it).

    All you can do is be the man and the grown up and the person who isnt dependant on a drug that kills and takes all your money. stick with her if you love her. Try and do more things together - take up sports etc. Damn, she will soon realise that sport and smoking dont go together.

    good luck

  6. #6
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    haha, your post is quite contradictive to itself but sheds a light of reality on the situation. my good buddy said basically the same thing. If she has any love for herself or me, she will quit. We do want to have children and will likely be getting married soon, but its important to me that she gets over this childish (imho) habit before any of that happens.

    thanks

  7. #7
    MySQL Error Scouse Monkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vinister
    haha, your post is quite contradictive to itself but sheds a light of reality on the situation.
    exactly! such is the situation and peoples thoughts towards it!

  8. #8
    Neither darque nor pervert DarquePervert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Monkey
    use more lube or hump her slower!


    That's the best, amigo! Thanks!
    Have you looked in the FAQ yet?
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  9. #9
    MySQL Error Scouse Monkey's Avatar
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    hehe glad you liked it!

    another solution...take up smoking for a few months then quit together.

  10. #10
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    haha, I bet if she saw me smoking that would make her quit.

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