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Thread: Tech Support Calls

  1. #1
    The Lavender Tie Just
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    Tech Support Calls

    =================================

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
    Female customer: A white one...

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
    Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
    on my desk... sorry....

    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
    screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?

    ===============

    Tech Support: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
    Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
    Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
    Gates, dammit!

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
    time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer
    and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he
    can't find it...

    ===============

    Customer: I have problems printing in red...
    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
    Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

    ===============

    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer: OK
    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
    another keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
    capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

    ===============

    Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.

    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on
    my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
    the circle around it?

    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
    printer.

    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
    Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
    The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his
    printer is working fine."

    ===============

    And last but not least...

    Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
    same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
    type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
    Customer: I don't have a P.
    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: What do you mean?
    Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!


    Seriously!!

  2. #2
    Bowel movement jjh221's Avatar
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    um yea
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    Buy Sell or Trade
    If my pm box is full, please feel free to call me any time. 440-328-3382
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  3. #3
    Takes it in the Rear kevinlekiller's Avatar
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    more please, this **** is funny.

  4. #4
    The Lavender Tie Just
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    Quote Originally Posted by kevinlekiller
    more please, this **** is funny.
    Yeah, unfortuantely that's all I've got....

    Peace,

    Rafster

  5. #5
    Variable Bitrate
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    LOL, these seems to be more funny if you do phone support for a living... me and my co-workers are cracking up at these...

    Here's one from our team...

    Customer: I am getting an error when I try to connect my PSP to my LocationFree.
    Tech: OK, what does the error say?
    Customer: It says "Unable to connect to access point. The WLAN switch is turned off.". What does that mean?
    Tech: It means the wireless LAN switch is turned off. Let's turn it on. By your left thumb there is a switch labeled WLAN.
    Customer: Which one is my left thumb?
    Tech: Um, do you see your right thumb?
    Customer: Yes.
    Tech: It's the other one.
    Customer: Oh, OK.
    ~Puff

    View my worklog... I dare you... http://www.mp3car.com/vbulletin/worklogs/77267-2003-audi-a4-worklog-puffs-ride.html

    Carputer Progress [||------------------] 10%

  6. #6
    Variable Bitrate will1384's Avatar
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    oh yea LOL

    - I some times have to make house calls

    I always ask have you checked to make shure everything is pluged-up
    before I come out - its like $70 or more just to come out

    and 4 out of 10 times - something is unpluged when I get there,
    I just plug it in

    but, I no longer tell them, I make up some thing, and just remove
    spyware or some junk, and tell them its fixed

    If I tell them something is unpluged, they ether get mad or refuse to pay

  7. #7
    Banned xdjxklusivex's Avatar
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    HAHAHA i love the screensaver one what a stupid ***

  8. #8
    Maximum Bitrate Don 944 LA's Avatar
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    Many Many years ago there was a huge listing called
    "Bastard Operators from Hell" BOFH.
    Tons of funny stuff.

  9. #9
    The Lavender Tie Just
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    "Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    "What sort of trouble?"

    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    "Went away?"

    "They disappeared."

    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    "Nothing."

    "Nothing?"

    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    "How do I tell?"

    [Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"

    "What's a sea-prompt?"

    [Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    [Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    "What's a monitor?"

    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    "I don't know."

    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    [sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

    "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    [pause] "Yes, it is."

    [Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]

    "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    "No."

    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    [muffled] "Okay, here it is."

    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    [still muffled] "I can't reach."

    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    [clear again] "No."

    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."

    "Dark?"

    "Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    "Well, turn on the office light then."

    "I can't."

    "No? Why not?"

    "Because there's a power outage."

    "A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]

    This person was good friends with my supervisor, so I couldn't deal with him/her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to explain sweetly and gently to him/her that computers needed power just like office lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that yes, if s/he hadn't saved her work s/he had probably lost everything s/he'd done so far in WordPerfect. But I could still fantasize:

    "A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    "Really? Is it that bad?"

    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    "Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]

    but that wouldn't have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?

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