I think the one about microwaving water is true though (I saw this on a local news segment).



> >>I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in
> >>the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
> >>every envelope that needs sealing.
> >>
> >>Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
> >>reason.
> >>
> >>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl
> >>(Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the
> >>1,387,258th time.
> >>
> >>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
> >>receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
> >>me for participating in their special e-mail program.
> >>
> >>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363 ,214 angels
> >>looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every
> >>wish.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
> >>mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
> >>
> >>I can't enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks anymore because they
> >>WOULD NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt who requested it.
> >>
> >>
> >>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like
> >>a water buffalo on a hot day.
> >>
> >>Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
> >>I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within
> >>five minutes.
> >>
> >>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
> >>remove toilet stains.
> >>
> >>I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch
> >> ;the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
> >>pumping gas.
> >>
> >>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
> >>these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
> >>cans.
> >>
> >>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
> >>cancer.
> >>
> >>And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
> >>microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face..disfiguring
> >>me for life.
> >>
> >>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
> >>a perfume sample and rob me.
> >>
> >>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
> >>our American troops or the Salvation Army.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
> >>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
> >>Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
> >>
> >>I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now
> >>cough myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I
> >>receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
> >>
> >>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
> >>have their recipe.
> >>
> >>Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
> >>brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
> >>death when it bites my butt.
> >>
> >>Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us.
> >>I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix
> >>everything.
> >>
> >>And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I
> >>dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by
> >>a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
> >>
> >>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the
> >>next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head
> >>at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
> >>your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur
> >>because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
> >>ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician, who is a
> >>lawyer.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>Have a wonderful day, and you are welcome
> >>