It's a sad thing when a good, helpful forum turns snobby and its members start copping attitudes and forget they were once noobs, too. I've contributed a helluva lot on numerous forums and even moderated on a few, and I gotta tell you, if this kind of arrogance is the status quo here, it won't be long before some other forum displaces this one.
I do have some software that measures the ambient noise level using a microphone and dynamically adjust the PC output volume. The software was developed for a completely different application, but should work all the same. It's not available on the net, but please contact me and I should be able to get you a copy.