One way to power on a laptop that was mentioned by a few people who have done similar things was to wire into the laptop power switch and run two wires out to your momentary switch/pulsed relay switch. I heard someone mentioning hooking it up through their 56k modem port (as very few people still use it) so that it is removable. You simply plug in a 2-wire telephone cord that is in your car wired to your turn on relay circuit.
The above method is what I ended up doing. I swear I ended up with the hardest switch to solder to on my DELL Inspiron 4000. I ended up having to completely dissasemble the laptop to get to the back of the power switch PCB. But thankfully I found two small contacts to solder the wires to.
Here is what I did:
Soldered 2 wires to power switch PCB. Used a mulitmeter to test which 2 leads connected when the button was pressed.
Top view of switch PCB.
Here I ran the wires down inside the case to where the 56k modem connector/wire goes into the NIC/modem. Cut off the connector and soldered to the wires. Top view.
Bottom view showing the two 56k modem wires soldered to my two new wires. On the right is the 14pin connector that goes into the NIC.
These two pictures show the trace from the 56k modem port to its wire. Again I used the multimeter to verify that the 56k modem port did in fact go to the two wires which plugged into the NIC/modem.