relationship advice

nappyjim · 07-16-2005, 11:17 AM

Its long, but id appreciate any serious input you guys have.

A girl I knew in high school, we hung out in the same social circle, she just recently got back from college. For the past 3 weeks, me and her have been hanging out a lot and really hittin it off. Mid september she is leaving for medial school, which is only like 40 min from my house. Now when I first started seeing her, I wasnt expecting much. Ya know, we hang out, have fun, she leaves for school and its over. But of course, as we hung out more, I grew more fond of her and her of me.

Now I dont want it to end. I would like to at least try to make a relationship work. I know it would be hard, but I dont wanna be that guy looking back 10 years from now and wondering what happened if I only tried. She just recently, 2 months ago, got out of a bad 2 year relationship where she was planning on marrying the guy and he changed alot and she found out he was cheatin on her, just a real *******. So she is a little more weary of trying to date. She says she is still hurt, and doesnt know if the long distance thing would work with her being at school and meeting other guys.

This all kind of came to a head last night when we talked and she basically said, I love haning out with you, but I dont want to date. Pretty clear right? You would think so, but she changes her tune daily, if not hourly, so Im not putting too much money on her statement. Like a few days ago me and her were talking and she was like, "yah, im worried about your future that might include me". One day she is contemplating me in her future, and the next she is telling me that she doesnt even want to try to make a relationship work.

So Im faced with a problem now. Do I continue to hang out with her until she goes off to college and give her more time to think about it and see what happens, but then risk growing more attached to her and getting my heart broken. Or do I kind of end it right here and tell her that if she doesnt even see a glimmer of hope that me and her could try dating, that I would rather end it right now, so that I save myself the inevitable pain at the end (assuming she is steadfast on not dating). Or I kinda have a third option where I stop seeing her, but then maybe give her some time to think about it and maybe realize that what we have could be good.

I just really like here, I knew her in high school and liked her then too and she liked me, but things were differnt. So its not like some puppy love summer fling thing where I just met her 3 weeks ago and now know nothing about her.

Any advice?

rickster · 07-16-2005, 11:29 AM

spend some time apart without calling or seeing eachother. Then after say a week, see how you both feel. You both might realise how much you mean to each other

Bugbyte · 07-16-2005, 11:35 AM

You need to take control of the situation. Giving HER the option of "more time to think" puts her in the driver's seat and leaves you with the possibility of NO resolution. What if she still can't make up her mind and just goes off to med school and leaves you hanging?

A long distance relationship requires trust and commitment. If she's already saying "what if I meet another guy" then you are missing one half of the equation and the other half will go missing soon after.

Also, med school is a meat grinder. Even if you are able to visit every weekend, are you prepared for the answer to be "I have to study" for 3-4 weeks in a row, followed by one weekend where you get to sneak a Friday night and Saturday morning in before school takes over again?

I hate to say it, but I'd cut it off now before the attachment gets too intense.

jjh221 · 07-16-2005, 12:35 PM

does she have any girl friends? if she does, does she try( key word try) to spend more time with them and not you? Im taking it she doesnt have many friends beside you and maybe one other, that is not a really good friend? What is her mind set? You can always tell if you are going to be with someone if you two can sit down and just think about eachother, know what i mean? Like the world around you does not matter. If her mind is set on you and another. Then perhaps space is what she needs. She might not want to take it on her own. Just kick her the **** out then. Women are weak. Some times they just cant make up their minds. If she can sit down and have a serious talk with you about this and not want to be like whatever i dont want to talk about this. Then id say its a good try. Remember, spending a lot of time together doesnt make any one know what they want. It just helps.

and what 40 mins? you saying thats long distance? you crazy? But yeah that would be a hall everyday. Gas prices suck, damn ignorance, huh.

nappyjim · 07-16-2005, 01:18 PM

Well me and her spend lots of time together. She already gave up a few things to spend time with me, so I know she cares. She is willing to talk...that is one thing. She wont just shrug me off.

Im just so confused cause like I said, one minute she is saying, "well we'll see what happens, we dont need to start dating today or anything" , last night she was like, "i want so much more out of this" and then 1 hour later she is saying, "i cant date you". Its like, wtf?!

I cant see it on the outside, but from what she does tell me, it seems like she just doesnt trust men as a whole. It seems like she has lots of things going on in her mind that she isnt telling me.

It just sucks now, cause if I knew things were gonng turn out like this, i wouldent have even IM'd her 3 weeks ago. Its like 3 weeks ago, she hadnt even crossed my mind or anything, and now here I am on a message board asking for advice. You guys know how it is. Right now, it seems like I cant live my life without her, but 2 months from now, she might be a distant memory. Its just the time inbetween those 2 points that is hell.

jjh221 · 07-16-2005, 01:35 PM

shes feeling the same thing too. Seems to me she cant make up her mind. If it were me and i really wanted her in my life and was strong enough to admit it to her and myself. Then id tell her id wait. What you guys are waiting for is up to you. It all takes time. It might not work out but at least ya got the experience lol. I need to go out and get me one soon im gettin ****ed.

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 01:41 PM

Quote: Originally Posted by nappyjim

she basically said, I love haning out with you, but I dont want to date. Pretty clear right?

Shes saying she like to hang out and tell you all the sad part of her but wont date you? oh boy sound like you are just a shoulder to cry on. I dont like the sound of that IMO. My feeling is that she like to hang out with you cause you are probably the only person who understand her problem. You will naturally appear understanding to her because you like/have feeling for her.

From miles away from you what if she found a really nice hunky guy who she found sexually attractive? Would she date him then? Ill guess so. But she wont date you even if you are a nice person to be with? how interesting.

But I mean yeah, have a try getting this girl, you never know until you try. You only regret it in the end. Just dont expect too much from her.

Sorry about being negative but I just stay away from girls who puts me in a friends list when I have some feeling for them. The only result is that Ill get used while she **** other guys...its just a classic story.

If I missed something well...sorry man.

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 01:44 PM

I dont understand her problem why she wont date you...from what you said she like to spend time and talk to you alot...so why cant it be a proper date rather than lets talk here in the corner kinda thing.

My only guess is that she already knows you have feeling for her and doesnt want you to get any closer.

A girl who likes you alot and would like to have a relationship with you will never say no to an invite...just incase she miss out on it and you find someone else instead.

...my thoughts.

Bugbyte · 07-16-2005, 01:51 PM

You've seen this, right? Wizard posted it on Chris31's thread and I thought it explained a lot.

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 01:52 PM

Quote: Originally Posted by jjh221

I need to go out and get me one soon im gettin ****ed.

Haha...

I went to philippines last month and was dating girls left right and centre. Damn I wanna go back

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 01:54 PM

Quote: Originally Posted by Bugbyte

You've seen this, right? Wizard posted it on Chris31's thread and I thought it explained a lot.

LOL...girls are evil init

jjh221 · 07-16-2005, 02:07 PM

Quote: Originally Posted by Chris31

Haha...

I went to philippines last month and was dating girls left right and centre. Damn I wanna go back

alright lets go. Are we allowed to bring some back? any taxes? shipping charges? can i count one as a carry on?

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 02:13 PM

Quote: Originally Posted by jjh221

alright lets go. Are we allowed to bring some back? any taxes? shipping charges? can i count one as a carry on?

You can fit one it a laugage perhaps?

LOL honestly are you really that bad in asking out? You should read some SS stuff, I think they still have a forum.

Something that you shouldnt take it a 100% seriously but the SS stuff are good to know.

jjh221 · 07-16-2005, 02:16 PM

Its not that its hard. Its just that, well i just dont know. I think i just want a girl i cant find. Seems all the ones i kinda find. They are dating someone.

Yeah if i can stuff one in a bag or something lol smuggle her back. lol

women are evil.

Chris31 · 07-16-2005, 02:27 PM

***** Shield: An abrasive defensive behavior women use when they get
tired of too many men hitting on them

Neg or Neg Hit: A comment that instead of being complimentary is instead
slightly insulting or indifferent. It is used primarily to get past a
***** shield by saying something the woman is not expecting to hear. This
sets yourself apart from other men who shower them in compliments.

..........

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